my boobs look nice today
jk they hurt like a motherfucker
Monday 2 September 2013
Wednesday 7 August 2013
i have literally been daydreaming about this moment for months - 'fighting' back
i have literally been daydreaming about this moment for months. literally.
today, i snapped at T. BOOYAH, BITCH.
it didnt go as i though it would, as i rehearsed it over and over in my head
in my head, i punched her, she fell to the ground unconscious, i spit on her, and the people in the hallway around me applaud.
in my head, i slap her, she slaps me back, and beats me up, and people drag her away and applaud me as i stand back up.
in my head, i win, and everyone hates her.
i dont hate her, i just hate the way she fucking acts, like stfu i wont talk to you about fucking doctor who, go the fuck away. youre so fucking loud.
as she started coming towayrs me with her arms outstretched, her mouth pulkled into an 'AWWWWWWWWWW-' position, i shout: "CAN YOU FUCKING NOT OMFG, WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU". or something to that degree.
best feeling, m8, after all this time.
knee: she (meaning me) gets really offended you know
T: really? i didnt know!
-reached out to come hug me-
wtf is this girl doing, she wants to hug me, but doesnt realise her mistake and fucking apologise, wtf is wrong with her what the actual fuck HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA
me: IM GOOD IM GOOD, (referring to hug)
-she comes closer-
me: REALLY, IM GOOD IM GOOD -turns to Knee and talks about biology homework or someshit unrelated-
not as satisfying as i had hoped, but eh, at least ive dealt with the issue. i hope she never talks to me again, shes fucking annoying.
im a bitch i know.
breakfast: honey oats, 1/4 box sultanas, 100mL whole milk
Lunch: soup (one small potato, half a tomato, half a carrot, 1/3 onion, 1 cube beef stock 12cal)
snacks: 2 small apples, 1 medium banana, 2 small mandarins, 1 thick sushi approx 100-150cal, 1 pizza cone 407cal, 1 square dairy milk hazelnut chocolate, 1 stringers cheese stick, 1 yakult
dinner: curry chicken and rice 500cal approx
i had to hide my left wrist cut with my thick watch that mum gave me and 3 hair ties -.- so fucking conspic, why do i even bother. so easy to cut tho, blood yay
today, i snapped at T. BOOYAH, BITCH.
it didnt go as i though it would, as i rehearsed it over and over in my head
in my head, i punched her, she fell to the ground unconscious, i spit on her, and the people in the hallway around me applaud.
in my head, i slap her, she slaps me back, and beats me up, and people drag her away and applaud me as i stand back up.
in my head, i win, and everyone hates her.
i dont hate her, i just hate the way she fucking acts, like stfu i wont talk to you about fucking doctor who, go the fuck away. youre so fucking loud.
as she started coming towayrs me with her arms outstretched, her mouth pulkled into an 'AWWWWWWWWWW-' position, i shout: "CAN YOU FUCKING NOT OMFG, WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU". or something to that degree.
best feeling, m8, after all this time.
knee: she (meaning me) gets really offended you know
T: really? i didnt know!
-reached out to come hug me-
wtf is this girl doing, she wants to hug me, but doesnt realise her mistake and fucking apologise, wtf is wrong with her what the actual fuck HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA
me: IM GOOD IM GOOD, (referring to hug)
-she comes closer-
me: REALLY, IM GOOD IM GOOD -turns to Knee and talks about biology homework or someshit unrelated-
not as satisfying as i had hoped, but eh, at least ive dealt with the issue. i hope she never talks to me again, shes fucking annoying.
im a bitch i know.
breakfast: honey oats, 1/4 box sultanas, 100mL whole milk
Lunch: soup (one small potato, half a tomato, half a carrot, 1/3 onion, 1 cube beef stock 12cal)
snacks: 2 small apples, 1 medium banana, 2 small mandarins, 1 thick sushi approx 100-150cal, 1 pizza cone 407cal, 1 square dairy milk hazelnut chocolate, 1 stringers cheese stick, 1 yakult
dinner: curry chicken and rice 500cal approx
i had to hide my left wrist cut with my thick watch that mum gave me and 3 hair ties -.- so fucking conspic, why do i even bother. so easy to cut tho, blood yay
Saturday 20 July 2013
Thursday 18 July 2013
Relapse
Relapsed again today. Didnt even cry or anything, how pointless. 10 cuts overlapping old scars on torso region, not as deep as i would have liked. My left inner arm is scabbing pretty well, but once we return to summer uniform, I'll have to abandon that area, wont I. Too bad, thats one of my favourite areas to cut ):
Friday 5 July 2013
Trust
My mum doesn't trust me. Like, at all. Although, I don't blame her.
I snuck out a number of times, saying that I was meeting friends, when I was actually visiting my grandma, whom she, I assume, dislikes. How fucking un-hardcore is that. Having to lie in order to meet my grandma, uncle, and little cousin. My mother is a fucking crazy hag. She found out about that because grandma had given me an umbrella, and, due to my blatant inability to conjure up impromptu fibs, she found out. I also snuck out quite a few times to meet my guy friends, of which I have 3. And they're (surprisingly) nice guys. Like, they're decent, unlike the majority of the population of their school, notorious for housing douchebags, smokers, and druggies. She caught me out with R and yeah, shit happened and now she ties me to the house with her mind mojo.
Yeah, I guess trust is earned, but seriously, wtf have I even done wrong. Lied, yes, but what the fuck, I went to go see my grandmother, and my good friends. WHO ARE GOOD PEOPLE. Better than the girl i know anyway. Oh wait, what girls. Guys are more open and willing to talk about anything, whereas girls, they snipe and whinge and are bitchy and don't tell you anything personal, so you can't establish a personal connection with them easily. Why even bother with girls (apart from that fact that boobs)?! They're nothing but trouble.
I can't wait to fucking move out, so I can do whatever, whenever, with whom I wish.
I snuck out a number of times, saying that I was meeting friends, when I was actually visiting my grandma, whom she, I assume, dislikes. How fucking un-hardcore is that. Having to lie in order to meet my grandma, uncle, and little cousin. My mother is a fucking crazy hag. She found out about that because grandma had given me an umbrella, and, due to my blatant inability to conjure up impromptu fibs, she found out. I also snuck out quite a few times to meet my guy friends, of which I have 3. And they're (surprisingly) nice guys. Like, they're decent, unlike the majority of the population of their school, notorious for housing douchebags, smokers, and druggies. She caught me out with R and yeah, shit happened and now she ties me to the house with her mind mojo.
Yeah, I guess trust is earned, but seriously, wtf have I even done wrong. Lied, yes, but what the fuck, I went to go see my grandmother, and my good friends. WHO ARE GOOD PEOPLE. Better than the girl i know anyway. Oh wait, what girls. Guys are more open and willing to talk about anything, whereas girls, they snipe and whinge and are bitchy and don't tell you anything personal, so you can't establish a personal connection with them easily. Why even bother with girls (apart from that fact that boobs)?! They're nothing but trouble.
I can't wait to fucking move out, so I can do whatever, whenever, with whom I wish.
Free! - Itawobi Swim Club, AKA the Swimming Anime
Caved and watched episode 1 of Free - Itawobi Swim Club. Needless to say, my ovaries exploded into smithereens.
After the 30 second promo came out, this anime quickly became a trend on tumblr, the users shipping the characters left and right. AND RIGHTLY SO, LOOK AT THEM. PERFECTION. Why can't real life guys be this hot. And honestly, I prefer girls, but LOOK AT THEM. I don't even fucking care about the girls in this anime (of which there are, like, 2, and they're quite good looking as well).
If the main characters were girls, as attractive as they may turn out to be, it definitely wouldn't be that popular. You know why? Because anime girls suck. They're so whiny and omfg shut the fuck up. Boys are so much better, because its cute when they whinge. Double standards, I know, but hey, that's the world in which we live.
Seriously, the way this artist draws this anime, is just. Ok, let me put it this way, the art is probably the only reason 90% of the people watching this are doing so.
Because I totally watch this for the plot.
Ok it had to be done. Okay? Okay.
Seriously, if this doesn't turn out to be shounen ai/yaoi, I will cry.
Or if this doesn't turn out the be BL, someone better make an anime re-make of this, and turn it into a BL.
Fuck, what is my life.
05/07/2013
Thoughts:
Lunch: a few rice noodles, fish tofu, 1 leaf of lettuce, 1/2 a chicken pie
Dinner: small bowl of fried rice
Snacks: 1 large apple
Water: 2 and 1/2 cups water
Exercise: 45 minutes trampoline cardio
- woke up at 10:30 today. PROGRESS YAY :D
- finally fucking started doing some work, even though its probably not even considered work - did a bit of my va artwork. totally doesnt count as actual work, does it. fuck.
- listened to the Disney song collection today. Crying. My precious childhood. link to the 4 hr long video which is my childhood.
- depressed.
- stressed.
- badly dressed.
- mum's not letting me go to my birthday outing. yay. trust.
- feel like cutting, but seriously, my hands are too cold for that shit.
Lunch: a few rice noodles, fish tofu, 1 leaf of lettuce, 1/2 a chicken pie
Dinner: small bowl of fried rice
Snacks: 1 large apple
Water: 2 and 1/2 cups water
Exercise: 45 minutes trampoline cardio
Wednesday 3 July 2013
03/07/2013 - 'Dem' and I's 'birthday-but-not-birthday' get-together
Today was fucking wonderful. Like, seriously, I have not been this happy in ages. My friends came over to my place to have a hotpot/Disney party, where we ate hotpot and watched Disney movies.
'Heen' arrived first, because we had to pick her up from the train station, and as we were driving back, 'Dem' and 'Son' were already at my house. We went in and pottered around a bit, trying (and failing) to make the hoisin/peanut butter/sesame sauce. Next, 'Key' arrived and SHE BROUGHT HERSCHEY'S OMG. The best chocolates, seriously. 'Son' had brought 2 little tubs of dipping sauces. We started boiling the water at this point, in preparation. 'Gel' came next, with a birthday cake! Which was incredibly lovely of her, since we had already established that it was not a birthday party. It was a honeymelon mousse cake, and it was a really lovely pastel green colour, topped with whipped cream and enticing fruits. We started the movie, and then 'Wheeze' came (late, as per usual). She was also incredibly lovely and brought with her 4 boxes of jellies! 3 little Tupperware containers of various lychee flavoured, fruit filled jellies, in various cute shapes, and 1 large container with gui ling gao (the bitter kind). I squealed at the sight of the cute jellies, and ushered the others to come look at these amazingly cute delicacies. We proceeded eating, everyone complimenting the food and sauce quality (thanks mum).
My mum spend a lot of money, time and effort preparing ample food for us, for which I was incredibly grateful. We even got a new hotpot in which to cook. First on the agenda was the movie 'The Emperor's New Groove', about a vain and selfish emperor who gets accidentally turned into a llama. Definitely one of Disney's more underrated movies, still a classic. We then watched 'Tangled', which is definitely one of Disney's finer moments. After the movies, we ate 'Wheeze's decadent jellies, which were incredibly cute, some of them were in cute heart shapes, while others were in miniature fruit shapes. Filled with grapes, kiwi fruits and other fruit, we delightfully savoured every bite, complimenting 'Wheeze' on her botheredness and cute jelly moulds. We then made some sugar syrup to go with the bitter gui ling gao, which was VERY bitter, bitter to the point where 'Dem' couldn't handle it AT ALL. I thought that, although it was incredibly bitter, it was quite nice with the syrup. Maybe if we had some condensed milk, or caramel. We then played UNO, the loser having to eat half a pot of the gui ling gao. Naturally, 'Dem' lost and had to drown her gui ling gao in the syrup.
Next, we played a game where you blindfold the player and make them blindly choose a shot glass with either a delicious treat, or a disgusting liquid. 'Dem', 'Gel', 'Son' and I played. They made me find shot glasses, which we surprisingly own 4 of, andi had to climb onto the countertop, AND THEN THEY TOOK AWAY THE CHAIR, AND OFFERED TO CATCH ME INSTEAD OF LETTIGN ME CLIMB DOWN. Logical solution, guys. We spun the orange juice bottle and it landed on 'Gel's turn first, and just her luck, she picked the Yakult shot. 'Dem' was next, and she picked the peanut butter hoisin sesame shot. Obviously. Next, it was my turn, and obviously, I also got the hoisin peanut butter sesame sauce. so I drank it, and almost threw it all up. Honestly, it wasn't all that disgusting, but it was just that I was so incredibly full by that point. 'Son' wanted to try the hoisin stuff, so she also shot that one down, and, surprisingly, it was okay. The other shots were coke and sugar syrup, and just plain sugar syrup. Although admittedly the most un-hardcore dare game, it was still very fun. Afterwards, we just sat and had a nice chat with everyone. It was amazing, and I definitely feel a little bit, if not a lot, closer to everyone now.
Our group, being so small, would not usually go out much, either to each others houses or at all, so this was a really great opportunity to get together in our second-last year of highschool to really have some fun and spend some quality time together.
'Heen' arrived first, because we had to pick her up from the train station, and as we were driving back, 'Dem' and 'Son' were already at my house. We went in and pottered around a bit, trying (and failing) to make the hoisin/peanut butter/sesame sauce. Next, 'Key' arrived and SHE BROUGHT HERSCHEY'S OMG. The best chocolates, seriously. 'Son' had brought 2 little tubs of dipping sauces. We started boiling the water at this point, in preparation. 'Gel' came next, with a birthday cake! Which was incredibly lovely of her, since we had already established that it was not a birthday party. It was a honeymelon mousse cake, and it was a really lovely pastel green colour, topped with whipped cream and enticing fruits. We started the movie, and then 'Wheeze' came (late, as per usual). She was also incredibly lovely and brought with her 4 boxes of jellies! 3 little Tupperware containers of various lychee flavoured, fruit filled jellies, in various cute shapes, and 1 large container with gui ling gao (the bitter kind). I squealed at the sight of the cute jellies, and ushered the others to come look at these amazingly cute delicacies. We proceeded eating, everyone complimenting the food and sauce quality (thanks mum).
My mum spend a lot of money, time and effort preparing ample food for us, for which I was incredibly grateful. We even got a new hotpot in which to cook. First on the agenda was the movie 'The Emperor's New Groove', about a vain and selfish emperor who gets accidentally turned into a llama. Definitely one of Disney's more underrated movies, still a classic. We then watched 'Tangled', which is definitely one of Disney's finer moments. After the movies, we ate 'Wheeze's decadent jellies, which were incredibly cute, some of them were in cute heart shapes, while others were in miniature fruit shapes. Filled with grapes, kiwi fruits and other fruit, we delightfully savoured every bite, complimenting 'Wheeze' on her botheredness and cute jelly moulds. We then made some sugar syrup to go with the bitter gui ling gao, which was VERY bitter, bitter to the point where 'Dem' couldn't handle it AT ALL. I thought that, although it was incredibly bitter, it was quite nice with the syrup. Maybe if we had some condensed milk, or caramel. We then played UNO, the loser having to eat half a pot of the gui ling gao. Naturally, 'Dem' lost and had to drown her gui ling gao in the syrup.
Next, we played a game where you blindfold the player and make them blindly choose a shot glass with either a delicious treat, or a disgusting liquid. 'Dem', 'Gel', 'Son' and I played. They made me find shot glasses, which we surprisingly own 4 of, andi had to climb onto the countertop, AND THEN THEY TOOK AWAY THE CHAIR, AND OFFERED TO CATCH ME INSTEAD OF LETTIGN ME CLIMB DOWN. Logical solution, guys. We spun the orange juice bottle and it landed on 'Gel's turn first, and just her luck, she picked the Yakult shot. 'Dem' was next, and she picked the peanut butter hoisin sesame shot. Obviously. Next, it was my turn, and obviously, I also got the hoisin peanut butter sesame sauce. so I drank it, and almost threw it all up. Honestly, it wasn't all that disgusting, but it was just that I was so incredibly full by that point. 'Son' wanted to try the hoisin stuff, so she also shot that one down, and, surprisingly, it was okay. The other shots were coke and sugar syrup, and just plain sugar syrup. Although admittedly the most un-hardcore dare game, it was still very fun. Afterwards, we just sat and had a nice chat with everyone. It was amazing, and I definitely feel a little bit, if not a lot, closer to everyone now.
Our group, being so small, would not usually go out much, either to each others houses or at all, so this was a really great opportunity to get together in our second-last year of highschool to really have some fun and spend some quality time together.
Monday 1 July 2013
01/07/2013
Thoughts:
Breakfast: one bowl milo milk, 2 slices peanut butter bread
Lunch: 5 sticks chicken fingers, 3 handfuls of plain popcorn, 2 heaped tablespoon 97% fat free cottage cheese - seasoned with pepper salt and parsley, 1 yakult, 1 low fat strawberry yoghurt
Dinner: 1/2 bowl of rice, 6 pieces pork (1 serving), 3 leaves of lettuce, 1/3 lotus root
Snacks: a banana, half a large orange
Water: 400mL green tea - 2 sugars
Exercise: does sweeping the floor for 30 mins, mopping the floor for 30 mins and doing laundry for 1 hr count??
- Weird dream last night: zombie apocalypse, the government/CIA is killing off people for some reason, and we are trapped in our house as we look out our window and see our neighbors being stabbed by these guys in sunglasses and black suits. We hide in the house and try find hiding spots, and I think i have had this dream before, so I sneak out the backyard, as this middle aged Asian man comes and innocently inspects it. I sneak out to the backyard and climb a ladder, and somehow we manage to escape death. Weird, I'm always having dreams about the apocalypse. An omen, perhaps?
- I've missed having dreams. I don't sleep nearly enough.
- Although I am very much looking forward to the hotpot party at my house on Wednesday, I am also dreading that it will be a failure. Nervous as fuck right now.
- Today, I am actually quite happy. Had a good heart-to-heart chat with 'Ther' last night, about relationships, sexuality, ideal partners, stuff like that. It was nice. Even though after these deep chats, we dont really talk as much or about as deep things.
- Accidentally invited 'Heen' to my hotpot party. I hope mum wont dissaprove, I really want to bleach the ends of my hair, I don't stand out AT ALL, and I would like to change that a bit.
- I have gotten no work done these holidays so far. I should probably at least finish my logarithm chapter and get started on my VA practical assignment :/. OR I could rewatch the entire seven seasons of Buffy. Yeah.
- I need to find out where the NAS is and how I am to get there...
- Stressing about hotpot party. Why is it that I cannot be spontaneous.
Breakfast: one bowl milo milk, 2 slices peanut butter bread
Lunch: 5 sticks chicken fingers, 3 handfuls of plain popcorn, 2 heaped tablespoon 97% fat free cottage cheese - seasoned with pepper salt and parsley, 1 yakult, 1 low fat strawberry yoghurt
Dinner: 1/2 bowl of rice, 6 pieces pork (1 serving), 3 leaves of lettuce, 1/3 lotus root
Snacks: a banana, half a large orange
Water: 400mL green tea - 2 sugars
Exercise: does sweeping the floor for 30 mins, mopping the floor for 30 mins and doing laundry for 1 hr count??
30/06/2013
Thoughts:
Breakfast: 3 crackers with 3 tablespoons of 97% fat free cottage cheese, 1 yakult
Lunch: 1/5 large beef pie
Dinner: 2 pieces lamb cutlet, 2 leaves of lettuce, 1/2 bowl of rice
Snacks: 1 golden kiwi, 1 mandarin, 1 banana, 2 corn biscuits with 2 heaped tablespoons of 97% fat free cottage cheese, seasoned with salt, pepper and 2 leaves of parsely
Water: 500mL decaf green tea - 2 sugars
Exercise: 30 minutes medium low intensity cardio on trampoline, 5 minutes upper arms and upper back - low intensity
- I should eat more veggies, I seem to have had a rapid decline my water and vegetable intake
- I wish someone had a crush on me, be it that theyre a boy, a girl, in a relationship, older than me, younger than me, internet stalking me, real life stalking me. I wish someone would pay attention to me. Is that selfish and wrong?
- Watched 'The Girl who Leapt through Time' and '100 Days with Mr. Arrogant'. They were both not as good as I was expecting, unfortunately.
Breakfast: 3 crackers with 3 tablespoons of 97% fat free cottage cheese, 1 yakult
Lunch: 1/5 large beef pie
Dinner: 2 pieces lamb cutlet, 2 leaves of lettuce, 1/2 bowl of rice
Snacks: 1 golden kiwi, 1 mandarin, 1 banana, 2 corn biscuits with 2 heaped tablespoons of 97% fat free cottage cheese, seasoned with salt, pepper and 2 leaves of parsely
Water: 500mL decaf green tea - 2 sugars
Exercise: 30 minutes medium low intensity cardio on trampoline, 5 minutes upper arms and upper back - low intensity
Sunday 30 June 2013
Self-pity and Envy
I get really depressed when, on Facebook, I see people's posts and photos where they go out on a bunch of outings with their friends, and they're all having fun and their strong friendship. I envy them. So much. I hate the feeling, but I also hate myself for feeling this way. I could easily do something about it by actually GETTING FRIENDS. But no. I am really bad with relationships, and people in general. Fuck, I can't even talk to my parents. They don't know a thing about me, nor I them. One day, I'll grow the balls to ask them how they met, why they married, and why they hate each other so much.
I hate birthdays. Mine included. At school, I hear people everyday singing the birthday song to their friend, with a cake and presents and hugging and I just feel so shit, because I haven't celebrated my birthday with good friends since I was 10.
At the moment, I have, like, 1 close friend.
I wish I was exaggerating right now.
I need to join some clubs or something.
'Ther' is my one close friend of the moment. She and I text daily, its great, but I also get incredibly depressed by the fact that I only correspond with one person regularly. I also text 'Knee' regularly, and regularly Facebook chat with 'Tin' and 'Heen', but we don't really have the relationship where I can tell them absolutely everything. And I want that. I miss 'R'. Well, our friendship. The relationship, not so much. I was actually taken seriously, not treated like a person you're only friends with because they're funny.
I have 5 friends in school. Well, 5 people that I sit with at lunch. 'Key' and 'Son' just talk to each other about hot anime guys and shitty iphone games, 'Gel' and 'Wheeze' are just engrossed in their own conversation, or Candy Crush, and 'Mii' is either somewhere else, or ranting about religion. 'Heen' used to sit with us. Until she left to join a cooler group. Because we're the misfits. We don't fit anywhere.
I wish I were cooler, prettier, skinner, smarter, taller, stronger, wiser. Then maybe people would like me, and accept me.
Ha. In another universe, maybe.
Self-pity. Am I not the textbook definition of it?
I hate birthdays. Mine included. At school, I hear people everyday singing the birthday song to their friend, with a cake and presents and hugging and I just feel so shit, because I haven't celebrated my birthday with good friends since I was 10.
At the moment, I have, like, 1 close friend.
I wish I was exaggerating right now.
I need to join some clubs or something.
'Ther' is my one close friend of the moment. She and I text daily, its great, but I also get incredibly depressed by the fact that I only correspond with one person regularly. I also text 'Knee' regularly, and regularly Facebook chat with 'Tin' and 'Heen', but we don't really have the relationship where I can tell them absolutely everything. And I want that. I miss 'R'. Well, our friendship. The relationship, not so much. I was actually taken seriously, not treated like a person you're only friends with because they're funny.
I have 5 friends in school. Well, 5 people that I sit with at lunch. 'Key' and 'Son' just talk to each other about hot anime guys and shitty iphone games, 'Gel' and 'Wheeze' are just engrossed in their own conversation, or Candy Crush, and 'Mii' is either somewhere else, or ranting about religion. 'Heen' used to sit with us. Until she left to join a cooler group. Because we're the misfits. We don't fit anywhere.
I wish I were cooler, prettier, skinner, smarter, taller, stronger, wiser. Then maybe people would like me, and accept me.
Ha. In another universe, maybe.
Self-pity. Am I not the textbook definition of it?
Saturday 29 June 2013
29/06/2013
Thoughts:
Lunch: a bowl of takeaway noodles, 1/4 serving meat - lamb, a cup of milk green tea - 2 sugars, 1 leaf of lettuce
Dinner: 4 slices Domino's Margarita pizza, 1 slice Domino's Bangers & Beef pizza
Snacks: 2 large bananas, 1 large apple
Water: 500mL milk green tea - 2 sugars
Exercise: 5 minutes upper back and upper arms - low intensity
- I want to be the girl who, after high school, people will be like: damn, why didn't we notice her before?
- People should stop feeding me lies. I'm not going to grow any fucking taller. 'You'll grow, dw'. Fuck you. I'm not going anywhere.
- Watched '200 Pounds Beauty' today. This film really shows people's views on plastic surgery, and how beautiful people are, even if unconsciously, more highly acknowledged than average people.
Lunch: a bowl of takeaway noodles, 1/4 serving meat - lamb, a cup of milk green tea - 2 sugars, 1 leaf of lettuce
Dinner: 4 slices Domino's Margarita pizza, 1 slice Domino's Bangers & Beef pizza
Snacks: 2 large bananas, 1 large apple
Water: 500mL milk green tea - 2 sugars
Exercise: 5 minutes upper back and upper arms - low intensity
Plastic Surgery
I would totally get plastic surgery. A year ago, I would never have even thought to do it, I would even wrinkle my face in disgust at the mere thought of it, because its classified as 'taboo' in the Western society in which I live. A friend, 'Ther', told me that South Koreans undergo plastic surgery in their teens to late teens, as a sort of 'coming of age' ritual. The most common surgery in South Korea is double eyelid surgery, because it 'opens up your eyes' and 'makes you appear more youthful'. I do admit that, after the surgery, most women appear prettier than beforehand. The femininity that comes with larger eyes is what is so appealing about this surgery. Most Westerners that comment on this surgery have stated that they do it because Asian women want to look more 'white'. Same with when they comment on nose jobs in Asian women.
Fucking ignorant.
Sure, some Asian women may want to look more 'white', such as Vanilla Chamu, a Japanese model who was spent over $100 000 on cosmetic procedures to achieve her lifelong dream of being a French doll. To each their own, I say. But most Asian women DO NOT get plastic surgery to look more European! I get genuinely angry whenever I hear this. Asian culture is much much different to European culture, they have their own values and opinions of what is considered beautiful. Although some of these values are no much different to Western values, such as a slim jawline, long eyelashes, and a straight, small nose, we also have many differences. For example, Asian women do not want to be tanned, unlike Western women. Pale, soft skin is valued highly because of the youthful appearance it gives, and the implication of wealth (not having to work outside, or do manual labour), NOT because they want to look more 'white'. Women who like to tan don't get accused of trying to appear 'black' (excuse my political incorrectness) when they tan, so why should Asian women?
South Korea has a television show especially for plastic surgery makeovers, making the subject look drastically different. They choose to operate on people whose lives have been negatively affected by their appearance, and can make drastic changes to their appearance and lives. A news report I found on YouTube (link to video) talks about this from a Western perspective. The reporter said that contenders for this show has increased 12-fold over the past 2 years. This perfectly encapsulates the increasing popularity of plastic surgery, especially in South Korean culture.
I suppose that it does help the 'customer' feel much better about themselves, and improves their lives and how people see them, so yay for them. Its controversial in Western society, however, because they frown upon the unnatural alteration of appearance. The International Society of Aesthetic Plastic Surgeons reported that 1 in every 5 South Koreans will have some sort of cosmetic procedure done, including adolescents.
I watched this great movie that 'Ther' reccomended to me, called 'Helter Skelter' (link to movie description). Its about a Japanese model who had undergone numerous black market cosmetic surgeries to be beautiful, and it shows her life falling apart because she was so self-absorbed in her own image. It was really touching, and, i admit, I cried a lot haha. It was originally a manga as well. It shows really well how corrupt the modelling industry can be, as illutrated by dialogue in the gifs below.
I would totally get plastic surgery. There are a multitude of surgeries that anyone can have nowadays, I saw on YouTube a recording of a news program about a girl who got rhinoplasty because she was being bullied for her large nose. I think that the declining self-image of younger people these days is mostly attributed to the opinions of others. Even myself, I strongly believe that I would not have such terrible self-esteem issues if not for people telling me that I was this and that and that it was wrong to be that way. They have no right to judge people based on their appearance, when they have such a large personality flaw themselves. Although I do strongly agree that appearances make a major impact on one's impression of another, I don't think that it would be optimal to judge them solely on that aspect.
If I were to seriously consider getting plastic surgery, I would get rhinoplasty, double eyelid surgery on my right eyelid, lip augmentation to correct my Cupid's bow, and jaw reduction. If I was REALLY desperate to change my entire appearance to something I would really like, I would also do leg lengthening, the one where you take the bottom floating rib out to make your waistline slimmer, and breast implants.
Just as I was researching cosmetic procedures that are rising in popularity, I came across and article outlining the health risks of performing jaw reduction surgery. It comes with the risk of permanent facial numbness, or even paralysis. I haven't always been so self conscious of my jawline, it's only been in recent years that I've really started hating myself for it. It wasn't until people, whether it was at school, or my mum's Asian friends, started commenting on my appearance, that I really started to become so self-absorbed by my own appearance. It's definitely unhealthy. I have cried myself to sleep on numerous occasions because someone, usually someone who has no impact on my life whatsoever, comments on a little part of my appearance, such as 'haha can you even reach that shelf?' or 'wow, you really look like a baby compared to that girl over there'. Its so stupid. I'm so stupid. I'm so easily manipulated to be so strongly affected by little things like this.
Ugly.
Disgusting.
Fucking ignorant.
Sure, some Asian women may want to look more 'white', such as Vanilla Chamu, a Japanese model who was spent over $100 000 on cosmetic procedures to achieve her lifelong dream of being a French doll. To each their own, I say. But most Asian women DO NOT get plastic surgery to look more European! I get genuinely angry whenever I hear this. Asian culture is much much different to European culture, they have their own values and opinions of what is considered beautiful. Although some of these values are no much different to Western values, such as a slim jawline, long eyelashes, and a straight, small nose, we also have many differences. For example, Asian women do not want to be tanned, unlike Western women. Pale, soft skin is valued highly because of the youthful appearance it gives, and the implication of wealth (not having to work outside, or do manual labour), NOT because they want to look more 'white'. Women who like to tan don't get accused of trying to appear 'black' (excuse my political incorrectness) when they tan, so why should Asian women?
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| Vanilla Chamu - Japanese model |
I suppose that it does help the 'customer' feel much better about themselves, and improves their lives and how people see them, so yay for them. Its controversial in Western society, however, because they frown upon the unnatural alteration of appearance. The International Society of Aesthetic Plastic Surgeons reported that 1 in every 5 South Koreans will have some sort of cosmetic procedure done, including adolescents.
I watched this great movie that 'Ther' reccomended to me, called 'Helter Skelter' (link to movie description). Its about a Japanese model who had undergone numerous black market cosmetic surgeries to be beautiful, and it shows her life falling apart because she was so self-absorbed in her own image. It was really touching, and, i admit, I cried a lot haha. It was originally a manga as well. It shows really well how corrupt the modelling industry can be, as illutrated by dialogue in the gifs below.
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I would totally get plastic surgery. There are a multitude of surgeries that anyone can have nowadays, I saw on YouTube a recording of a news program about a girl who got rhinoplasty because she was being bullied for her large nose. I think that the declining self-image of younger people these days is mostly attributed to the opinions of others. Even myself, I strongly believe that I would not have such terrible self-esteem issues if not for people telling me that I was this and that and that it was wrong to be that way. They have no right to judge people based on their appearance, when they have such a large personality flaw themselves. Although I do strongly agree that appearances make a major impact on one's impression of another, I don't think that it would be optimal to judge them solely on that aspect.
If I were to seriously consider getting plastic surgery, I would get rhinoplasty, double eyelid surgery on my right eyelid, lip augmentation to correct my Cupid's bow, and jaw reduction. If I was REALLY desperate to change my entire appearance to something I would really like, I would also do leg lengthening, the one where you take the bottom floating rib out to make your waistline slimmer, and breast implants.
Just as I was researching cosmetic procedures that are rising in popularity, I came across and article outlining the health risks of performing jaw reduction surgery. It comes with the risk of permanent facial numbness, or even paralysis. I haven't always been so self conscious of my jawline, it's only been in recent years that I've really started hating myself for it. It wasn't until people, whether it was at school, or my mum's Asian friends, started commenting on my appearance, that I really started to become so self-absorbed by my own appearance. It's definitely unhealthy. I have cried myself to sleep on numerous occasions because someone, usually someone who has no impact on my life whatsoever, comments on a little part of my appearance, such as 'haha can you even reach that shelf?' or 'wow, you really look like a baby compared to that girl over there'. Its so stupid. I'm so stupid. I'm so easily manipulated to be so strongly affected by little things like this.
Ugly.
Disgusting.
Friday 28 June 2013
28/06/2013
Thoughts:
Breakfast: low fat yoghurt, peanut butter with bread
Lunch: wrap (69 calorie wrap bread, salad leaves, half a carrot, 1 scrambled egg), 1 large banana, 1 large pink lady apple
Dinner: 1 bowl friend noodles - takeaway, lamb steak - 1 serving, half cup broccoli, 1 steamed egg
- As introverted as I am, I get depressed when people don't talk to me, whether it's through verbal communication, or social networking.
- My right eyelid is double today yay.
Breakfast: low fat yoghurt, peanut butter with bread
Lunch: wrap (69 calorie wrap bread, salad leaves, half a carrot, 1 scrambled egg), 1 large banana, 1 large pink lady apple
Dinner: 1 bowl friend noodles - takeaway, lamb steak - 1 serving, half cup broccoli, 1 steamed egg
Snacks: 1 large banana with peanut butter, 1 heaped tablespoon cottage cheese, 2 yakults
Water: none
Exercise: star jumps on trampoline 20 minutes, upper arm strength training 7 minutes
Being Short
I really hate myself. Like, a lot. People probably think I'm trying to be modest when I say this, but I'm actually not. I absolutely despise myself. Some days more than others. Yesterday, I hated my round face, my square jawline, my bad skin, my upturned, round-nostril'd nose, my uneven eyelids, my permanently bedraggled eyebrows, my periodically greasy hair, my exaggeratedly concave-up cupids' bow. Today, I hate my wide ribcage, my booblessness, my thick muscular legs, my fat legs, the plethora of fat on my belly, my inability to stick to a routine diet, my back fat, my height, my height, my size, my height, my height, my height etc. etc.
This girl in my grade, 'Tea', is always being incredibly condescending towards my size and 'cute' appearance. She calls me and 'Knee' the 'little buddies'. Which is ok. What is not okay is the negative way she in which she says it. Being short is generally though of as being a bad thing and I understand why, biologically, people of short stature and immature appearance may be regarded with inferiority, because from an evolutionary standpoint, characteristics such as strength, height, agility etc. are more attractiv when searching for companions. Strength and height are both highly regarded virtues, even in modern society, in both males and females.
But I don't think it is okay, in our current society, to look down on (pun intended) the vertically challenged, because what reason is there to discriminate against others judging from their physical appearance? The negative connotations that immediately come after the word 'short' as an adjective is, in my opinion, insulting. Although, I admit, I do hold a significant amount of bias towards vertically challenged people such as myself, and in arguments - e.g. in reality television shows and real life situations - I tend to lean towards their side. We are passed off as 'defective merchandise', a flaw in the evolution of human beings. When dealing with these issues, I think its better to take into consideration that short people HAVE FEELINGS. And actually GET OFFENDED. I think that, as part of my emotional journey, I have become more sensitive to problems such as this, due to my experience in this area. The horrible feeling you get when people patronise you for your appearance, the sense of incredible worthlessness and undesirability.
Ok but seriously, 'Tea' is literally the same height as me. I think she's in denial. 157cm my ass, face it, you're 152cm like me.
Fucking hate myself. I need to grow a pair and stand up for myself. MAN THE FUCK UP.
I'm disgusting.
This girl in my grade, 'Tea', is always being incredibly condescending towards my size and 'cute' appearance. She calls me and 'Knee' the 'little buddies'. Which is ok. What is not okay is the negative way she in which she says it. Being short is generally though of as being a bad thing and I understand why, biologically, people of short stature and immature appearance may be regarded with inferiority, because from an evolutionary standpoint, characteristics such as strength, height, agility etc. are more attractiv when searching for companions. Strength and height are both highly regarded virtues, even in modern society, in both males and females.
But I don't think it is okay, in our current society, to look down on (pun intended) the vertically challenged, because what reason is there to discriminate against others judging from their physical appearance? The negative connotations that immediately come after the word 'short' as an adjective is, in my opinion, insulting. Although, I admit, I do hold a significant amount of bias towards vertically challenged people such as myself, and in arguments - e.g. in reality television shows and real life situations - I tend to lean towards their side. We are passed off as 'defective merchandise', a flaw in the evolution of human beings. When dealing with these issues, I think its better to take into consideration that short people HAVE FEELINGS. And actually GET OFFENDED. I think that, as part of my emotional journey, I have become more sensitive to problems such as this, due to my experience in this area. The horrible feeling you get when people patronise you for your appearance, the sense of incredible worthlessness and undesirability.
Ok but seriously, 'Tea' is literally the same height as me. I think she's in denial. 157cm my ass, face it, you're 152cm like me.
Fucking hate myself. I need to grow a pair and stand up for myself. MAN THE FUCK UP.
I'm disgusting.
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