inner left arm, 5 strokes
upper left breast, 5 strokes
upper right breast, 10 strokes
Saturday 20 July 2013
Thursday 18 July 2013
Relapse
Relapsed again today. Didnt even cry or anything, how pointless. 10 cuts overlapping old scars on torso region, not as deep as i would have liked. My left inner arm is scabbing pretty well, but once we return to summer uniform, I'll have to abandon that area, wont I. Too bad, thats one of my favourite areas to cut ):
Friday 5 July 2013
Trust
My mum doesn't trust me. Like, at all. Although, I don't blame her.
I snuck out a number of times, saying that I was meeting friends, when I was actually visiting my grandma, whom she, I assume, dislikes. How fucking un-hardcore is that. Having to lie in order to meet my grandma, uncle, and little cousin. My mother is a fucking crazy hag. She found out about that because grandma had given me an umbrella, and, due to my blatant inability to conjure up impromptu fibs, she found out. I also snuck out quite a few times to meet my guy friends, of which I have 3. And they're (surprisingly) nice guys. Like, they're decent, unlike the majority of the population of their school, notorious for housing douchebags, smokers, and druggies. She caught me out with R and yeah, shit happened and now she ties me to the house with her mind mojo.
Yeah, I guess trust is earned, but seriously, wtf have I even done wrong. Lied, yes, but what the fuck, I went to go see my grandmother, and my good friends. WHO ARE GOOD PEOPLE. Better than the girl i know anyway. Oh wait, what girls. Guys are more open and willing to talk about anything, whereas girls, they snipe and whinge and are bitchy and don't tell you anything personal, so you can't establish a personal connection with them easily. Why even bother with girls (apart from that fact that boobs)?! They're nothing but trouble.
I can't wait to fucking move out, so I can do whatever, whenever, with whom I wish.
I snuck out a number of times, saying that I was meeting friends, when I was actually visiting my grandma, whom she, I assume, dislikes. How fucking un-hardcore is that. Having to lie in order to meet my grandma, uncle, and little cousin. My mother is a fucking crazy hag. She found out about that because grandma had given me an umbrella, and, due to my blatant inability to conjure up impromptu fibs, she found out. I also snuck out quite a few times to meet my guy friends, of which I have 3. And they're (surprisingly) nice guys. Like, they're decent, unlike the majority of the population of their school, notorious for housing douchebags, smokers, and druggies. She caught me out with R and yeah, shit happened and now she ties me to the house with her mind mojo.
Yeah, I guess trust is earned, but seriously, wtf have I even done wrong. Lied, yes, but what the fuck, I went to go see my grandmother, and my good friends. WHO ARE GOOD PEOPLE. Better than the girl i know anyway. Oh wait, what girls. Guys are more open and willing to talk about anything, whereas girls, they snipe and whinge and are bitchy and don't tell you anything personal, so you can't establish a personal connection with them easily. Why even bother with girls (apart from that fact that boobs)?! They're nothing but trouble.
I can't wait to fucking move out, so I can do whatever, whenever, with whom I wish.
Free! - Itawobi Swim Club, AKA the Swimming Anime
Caved and watched episode 1 of Free - Itawobi Swim Club. Needless to say, my ovaries exploded into smithereens.
After the 30 second promo came out, this anime quickly became a trend on tumblr, the users shipping the characters left and right. AND RIGHTLY SO, LOOK AT THEM. PERFECTION. Why can't real life guys be this hot. And honestly, I prefer girls, but LOOK AT THEM. I don't even fucking care about the girls in this anime (of which there are, like, 2, and they're quite good looking as well).
If the main characters were girls, as attractive as they may turn out to be, it definitely wouldn't be that popular. You know why? Because anime girls suck. They're so whiny and omfg shut the fuck up. Boys are so much better, because its cute when they whinge. Double standards, I know, but hey, that's the world in which we live.
Seriously, the way this artist draws this anime, is just. Ok, let me put it this way, the art is probably the only reason 90% of the people watching this are doing so.
Because I totally watch this for the plot.
Ok it had to be done. Okay? Okay.
Seriously, if this doesn't turn out to be shounen ai/yaoi, I will cry.
Or if this doesn't turn out the be BL, someone better make an anime re-make of this, and turn it into a BL.
Fuck, what is my life.
05/07/2013
Thoughts:
Lunch: a few rice noodles, fish tofu, 1 leaf of lettuce, 1/2 a chicken pie
Dinner: small bowl of fried rice
Snacks: 1 large apple
Water: 2 and 1/2 cups water
Exercise: 45 minutes trampoline cardio
- woke up at 10:30 today. PROGRESS YAY :D
- finally fucking started doing some work, even though its probably not even considered work - did a bit of my va artwork. totally doesnt count as actual work, does it. fuck.
- listened to the Disney song collection today. Crying. My precious childhood. link to the 4 hr long video which is my childhood.
- depressed.
- stressed.
- badly dressed.
- mum's not letting me go to my birthday outing. yay. trust.
- feel like cutting, but seriously, my hands are too cold for that shit.
Lunch: a few rice noodles, fish tofu, 1 leaf of lettuce, 1/2 a chicken pie
Dinner: small bowl of fried rice
Snacks: 1 large apple
Water: 2 and 1/2 cups water
Exercise: 45 minutes trampoline cardio
Wednesday 3 July 2013
03/07/2013 - 'Dem' and I's 'birthday-but-not-birthday' get-together
Today was fucking wonderful. Like, seriously, I have not been this happy in ages. My friends came over to my place to have a hotpot/Disney party, where we ate hotpot and watched Disney movies.
'Heen' arrived first, because we had to pick her up from the train station, and as we were driving back, 'Dem' and 'Son' were already at my house. We went in and pottered around a bit, trying (and failing) to make the hoisin/peanut butter/sesame sauce. Next, 'Key' arrived and SHE BROUGHT HERSCHEY'S OMG. The best chocolates, seriously. 'Son' had brought 2 little tubs of dipping sauces. We started boiling the water at this point, in preparation. 'Gel' came next, with a birthday cake! Which was incredibly lovely of her, since we had already established that it was not a birthday party. It was a honeymelon mousse cake, and it was a really lovely pastel green colour, topped with whipped cream and enticing fruits. We started the movie, and then 'Wheeze' came (late, as per usual). She was also incredibly lovely and brought with her 4 boxes of jellies! 3 little Tupperware containers of various lychee flavoured, fruit filled jellies, in various cute shapes, and 1 large container with gui ling gao (the bitter kind). I squealed at the sight of the cute jellies, and ushered the others to come look at these amazingly cute delicacies. We proceeded eating, everyone complimenting the food and sauce quality (thanks mum).
My mum spend a lot of money, time and effort preparing ample food for us, for which I was incredibly grateful. We even got a new hotpot in which to cook. First on the agenda was the movie 'The Emperor's New Groove', about a vain and selfish emperor who gets accidentally turned into a llama. Definitely one of Disney's more underrated movies, still a classic. We then watched 'Tangled', which is definitely one of Disney's finer moments. After the movies, we ate 'Wheeze's decadent jellies, which were incredibly cute, some of them were in cute heart shapes, while others were in miniature fruit shapes. Filled with grapes, kiwi fruits and other fruit, we delightfully savoured every bite, complimenting 'Wheeze' on her botheredness and cute jelly moulds. We then made some sugar syrup to go with the bitter gui ling gao, which was VERY bitter, bitter to the point where 'Dem' couldn't handle it AT ALL. I thought that, although it was incredibly bitter, it was quite nice with the syrup. Maybe if we had some condensed milk, or caramel. We then played UNO, the loser having to eat half a pot of the gui ling gao. Naturally, 'Dem' lost and had to drown her gui ling gao in the syrup.
Next, we played a game where you blindfold the player and make them blindly choose a shot glass with either a delicious treat, or a disgusting liquid. 'Dem', 'Gel', 'Son' and I played. They made me find shot glasses, which we surprisingly own 4 of, andi had to climb onto the countertop, AND THEN THEY TOOK AWAY THE CHAIR, AND OFFERED TO CATCH ME INSTEAD OF LETTIGN ME CLIMB DOWN. Logical solution, guys. We spun the orange juice bottle and it landed on 'Gel's turn first, and just her luck, she picked the Yakult shot. 'Dem' was next, and she picked the peanut butter hoisin sesame shot. Obviously. Next, it was my turn, and obviously, I also got the hoisin peanut butter sesame sauce. so I drank it, and almost threw it all up. Honestly, it wasn't all that disgusting, but it was just that I was so incredibly full by that point. 'Son' wanted to try the hoisin stuff, so she also shot that one down, and, surprisingly, it was okay. The other shots were coke and sugar syrup, and just plain sugar syrup. Although admittedly the most un-hardcore dare game, it was still very fun. Afterwards, we just sat and had a nice chat with everyone. It was amazing, and I definitely feel a little bit, if not a lot, closer to everyone now.
Our group, being so small, would not usually go out much, either to each others houses or at all, so this was a really great opportunity to get together in our second-last year of highschool to really have some fun and spend some quality time together.
'Heen' arrived first, because we had to pick her up from the train station, and as we were driving back, 'Dem' and 'Son' were already at my house. We went in and pottered around a bit, trying (and failing) to make the hoisin/peanut butter/sesame sauce. Next, 'Key' arrived and SHE BROUGHT HERSCHEY'S OMG. The best chocolates, seriously. 'Son' had brought 2 little tubs of dipping sauces. We started boiling the water at this point, in preparation. 'Gel' came next, with a birthday cake! Which was incredibly lovely of her, since we had already established that it was not a birthday party. It was a honeymelon mousse cake, and it was a really lovely pastel green colour, topped with whipped cream and enticing fruits. We started the movie, and then 'Wheeze' came (late, as per usual). She was also incredibly lovely and brought with her 4 boxes of jellies! 3 little Tupperware containers of various lychee flavoured, fruit filled jellies, in various cute shapes, and 1 large container with gui ling gao (the bitter kind). I squealed at the sight of the cute jellies, and ushered the others to come look at these amazingly cute delicacies. We proceeded eating, everyone complimenting the food and sauce quality (thanks mum).
My mum spend a lot of money, time and effort preparing ample food for us, for which I was incredibly grateful. We even got a new hotpot in which to cook. First on the agenda was the movie 'The Emperor's New Groove', about a vain and selfish emperor who gets accidentally turned into a llama. Definitely one of Disney's more underrated movies, still a classic. We then watched 'Tangled', which is definitely one of Disney's finer moments. After the movies, we ate 'Wheeze's decadent jellies, which were incredibly cute, some of them were in cute heart shapes, while others were in miniature fruit shapes. Filled with grapes, kiwi fruits and other fruit, we delightfully savoured every bite, complimenting 'Wheeze' on her botheredness and cute jelly moulds. We then made some sugar syrup to go with the bitter gui ling gao, which was VERY bitter, bitter to the point where 'Dem' couldn't handle it AT ALL. I thought that, although it was incredibly bitter, it was quite nice with the syrup. Maybe if we had some condensed milk, or caramel. We then played UNO, the loser having to eat half a pot of the gui ling gao. Naturally, 'Dem' lost and had to drown her gui ling gao in the syrup.
Next, we played a game where you blindfold the player and make them blindly choose a shot glass with either a delicious treat, or a disgusting liquid. 'Dem', 'Gel', 'Son' and I played. They made me find shot glasses, which we surprisingly own 4 of, andi had to climb onto the countertop, AND THEN THEY TOOK AWAY THE CHAIR, AND OFFERED TO CATCH ME INSTEAD OF LETTIGN ME CLIMB DOWN. Logical solution, guys. We spun the orange juice bottle and it landed on 'Gel's turn first, and just her luck, she picked the Yakult shot. 'Dem' was next, and she picked the peanut butter hoisin sesame shot. Obviously. Next, it was my turn, and obviously, I also got the hoisin peanut butter sesame sauce. so I drank it, and almost threw it all up. Honestly, it wasn't all that disgusting, but it was just that I was so incredibly full by that point. 'Son' wanted to try the hoisin stuff, so she also shot that one down, and, surprisingly, it was okay. The other shots were coke and sugar syrup, and just plain sugar syrup. Although admittedly the most un-hardcore dare game, it was still very fun. Afterwards, we just sat and had a nice chat with everyone. It was amazing, and I definitely feel a little bit, if not a lot, closer to everyone now.
Our group, being so small, would not usually go out much, either to each others houses or at all, so this was a really great opportunity to get together in our second-last year of highschool to really have some fun and spend some quality time together.
Monday 1 July 2013
01/07/2013
Thoughts:
Breakfast: one bowl milo milk, 2 slices peanut butter bread
Lunch: 5 sticks chicken fingers, 3 handfuls of plain popcorn, 2 heaped tablespoon 97% fat free cottage cheese - seasoned with pepper salt and parsley, 1 yakult, 1 low fat strawberry yoghurt
Dinner: 1/2 bowl of rice, 6 pieces pork (1 serving), 3 leaves of lettuce, 1/3 lotus root
Snacks: a banana, half a large orange
Water: 400mL green tea - 2 sugars
Exercise: does sweeping the floor for 30 mins, mopping the floor for 30 mins and doing laundry for 1 hr count??
- Weird dream last night: zombie apocalypse, the government/CIA is killing off people for some reason, and we are trapped in our house as we look out our window and see our neighbors being stabbed by these guys in sunglasses and black suits. We hide in the house and try find hiding spots, and I think i have had this dream before, so I sneak out the backyard, as this middle aged Asian man comes and innocently inspects it. I sneak out to the backyard and climb a ladder, and somehow we manage to escape death. Weird, I'm always having dreams about the apocalypse. An omen, perhaps?
- I've missed having dreams. I don't sleep nearly enough.
- Although I am very much looking forward to the hotpot party at my house on Wednesday, I am also dreading that it will be a failure. Nervous as fuck right now.
- Today, I am actually quite happy. Had a good heart-to-heart chat with 'Ther' last night, about relationships, sexuality, ideal partners, stuff like that. It was nice. Even though after these deep chats, we dont really talk as much or about as deep things.
- Accidentally invited 'Heen' to my hotpot party. I hope mum wont dissaprove, I really want to bleach the ends of my hair, I don't stand out AT ALL, and I would like to change that a bit.
- I have gotten no work done these holidays so far. I should probably at least finish my logarithm chapter and get started on my VA practical assignment :/. OR I could rewatch the entire seven seasons of Buffy. Yeah.
- I need to find out where the NAS is and how I am to get there...
- Stressing about hotpot party. Why is it that I cannot be spontaneous.
Breakfast: one bowl milo milk, 2 slices peanut butter bread
Lunch: 5 sticks chicken fingers, 3 handfuls of plain popcorn, 2 heaped tablespoon 97% fat free cottage cheese - seasoned with pepper salt and parsley, 1 yakult, 1 low fat strawberry yoghurt
Dinner: 1/2 bowl of rice, 6 pieces pork (1 serving), 3 leaves of lettuce, 1/3 lotus root
Snacks: a banana, half a large orange
Water: 400mL green tea - 2 sugars
Exercise: does sweeping the floor for 30 mins, mopping the floor for 30 mins and doing laundry for 1 hr count??
30/06/2013
Thoughts:
Breakfast: 3 crackers with 3 tablespoons of 97% fat free cottage cheese, 1 yakult
Lunch: 1/5 large beef pie
Dinner: 2 pieces lamb cutlet, 2 leaves of lettuce, 1/2 bowl of rice
Snacks: 1 golden kiwi, 1 mandarin, 1 banana, 2 corn biscuits with 2 heaped tablespoons of 97% fat free cottage cheese, seasoned with salt, pepper and 2 leaves of parsely
Water: 500mL decaf green tea - 2 sugars
Exercise: 30 minutes medium low intensity cardio on trampoline, 5 minutes upper arms and upper back - low intensity
- I should eat more veggies, I seem to have had a rapid decline my water and vegetable intake
- I wish someone had a crush on me, be it that theyre a boy, a girl, in a relationship, older than me, younger than me, internet stalking me, real life stalking me. I wish someone would pay attention to me. Is that selfish and wrong?
- Watched 'The Girl who Leapt through Time' and '100 Days with Mr. Arrogant'. They were both not as good as I was expecting, unfortunately.
Breakfast: 3 crackers with 3 tablespoons of 97% fat free cottage cheese, 1 yakult
Lunch: 1/5 large beef pie
Dinner: 2 pieces lamb cutlet, 2 leaves of lettuce, 1/2 bowl of rice
Snacks: 1 golden kiwi, 1 mandarin, 1 banana, 2 corn biscuits with 2 heaped tablespoons of 97% fat free cottage cheese, seasoned with salt, pepper and 2 leaves of parsely
Water: 500mL decaf green tea - 2 sugars
Exercise: 30 minutes medium low intensity cardio on trampoline, 5 minutes upper arms and upper back - low intensity
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